Relationships

I was thinking about my relationship with Mike today, and feeling kinda scared and boxed in, as I often do. And something occurred to me, which I reckon is probably the most obvious thing in the world to people who are naturals at good relationships: that being with someone else is a call to open up, not just to open up and be honest about yourself (though that’s a never-ending, ever-deepening thing) but actually to open outwards. By this I mean that you open out to include your lover in your life and to include yourself in your lover’s life, and you think less about yourself, your annoyingly wavy hair that won’t quite straighten(pictured, haha) your multiple ambitions that won’t all get achieved in one lifetime, your continual anxiety about God knows what…

And while I know I have to figure myself out and do amazing things (ack there comes the anxiety), or at least live up to my potential… there’s something about a relationship with someone so lovely and yet so different from me, that opens me up to other stuff that’s out there. That reminds of when I used to be so interested in the world and nature and people, not just hiding within myself in case I get hurt or feel stupid or get tired or miss something career-worthy.

So from now on, I want to be more open, more loving in general, not just towards my Mike but towards people, places and things, making room in my heart and senses for experiences and interests that lead away from self-absorption and towards… hmm, yes, love or something like it, maybe even losing myself for a while, and not being terrified of that.

That said, I’m off to the gym for some hardworkin’ alone time. But I’ll try and smile at everyone and appreciate the sky too!

Becky xxx