My room as it is! I will post pictures tonight when it is all clean and beautiful and organised!
Becky xxxxxx
Well….. it’s still on its way as I keep getting distracted! But… I’ve enjoyed the sorting I’ve done and my new strategy is to do 20 minutes a day so that I don’t feel like I’m wasting time or anything. B x
So I’m thinking of applying to the Goldsmiths MFA in Art Writing, but I’m really unclear about what the course involves, and why exactly it is an MFA, rather than an art theory MA. Hum… I’ve emailed the course director and the art department and I think I will call in the next couple of days. Also might go down to the University of London postgrad open day and stay in Richard’s living room tent if it’s still there!
Preparing a portfolio seems like a huge task… I guess I will select some of the work I have previously had published and then try to write two or three brilliant new pieces, and maybe edit one of this year’s OU essays into a more beautiful piece of work. But I have only just under 4 weeks to do this! So I must get cracking, or at least this week spend some good long walks over the railway line in the nature reserve thinking about what I could write to make a fantastic impression. I’ve grown to think of myself as a writer, so to be rejected from this would be something to deal with. But that just means I need to put real effort and grace into my application.
All this change and oh so soon…
It’s weird that as soon as I post the last post about relationships, everything seems to come crashing down around me!
But I think it’s going to be ok, whatever happens. I’ve learned something in the last couple of days, that it’s not just about expressing anxieties, or a philosophical idea of being open and attentive, but that love is also about making a damn hard effort to be patient, kind, understanding, warm, and also things like friendly, listening, cheering, things like that.
I’m glad to be learning something, yay! I suppose my view of things errs on the cold and negative usually, and to include the warm and cheery is quite a miraculous thing that I’ve not experienced for years! Good Lord 
I was thinking about my relationship with Mike today, and feeling kinda scared and boxed in, as I often do. And something occurred to me, which I reckon is probably the most obvious thing in the world to people who are naturals at good relationships: that being with someone else is a call to open up, not just to open up and be honest about yourself (though that’s a never-ending, ever-deepening thing) but actually to open outwards. By this I mean that you open out to include your lover in your life and to include yourself in your lover’s life, and you think less about yourself, your annoyingly wavy hair that won’t quite straighten(pictured, haha) your multiple ambitions that won’t all get achieved in one lifetime, your continual anxiety about God knows what…
And while I know I have to figure myself out and do amazing things (ack there comes the anxiety), or at least live up to my potential… there’s something about a relationship with someone so lovely and yet so different from me, that opens me up to other stuff that’s out there. That reminds of when I used to be so interested in the world and nature and people, not just hiding within myself in case I get hurt or feel stupid or get tired or miss something career-worthy.
So from now on, I want to be more open, more loving in general, not just towards my Mike but towards people, places and things, making room in my heart and senses for experiences and interests that lead away from self-absorption and towards… hmm, yes, love or something like it, maybe even losing myself for a while, and not being terrified of that.
That said, I’m off to the gym for some hardworkin’ alone time. But I’ll try and smile at everyone and appreciate the sky too!
Becky xxx
Trying to figure out what I have the stamina and energy to work on at the moment. Have been fiddling with my portfolio site (http://beckyhunter.co.uk in case you missed my earlier announcement!) and will try to blog daily on that as some sort of discipline, but apart from that, hmm… I seem to have a thousand magnificent ideas and never the ability or drive to pursue them. Getting to the end of my tether with myself but not sure how to take action. Is rest required? Or ass-kicking? I have no clue. I feel pretty boxed in, tired and scared at the moment and the weight of all my dreams and ideas and passions is a bit too huge. Any ideas?
Becky xxx
